Giving Up

“Time to cash in your chips

put your ideas and beliefs on the table.
See who has the bigger hand
you or the Mystery that pervades you.

Time to scrape the mind's shit
off your shoes
undo the laces
that hold your prison together
and dangle your toes into emptiness.

Once you've put everything
on the table
once all of your currency is gone
and your pockets are full of air
all you've got left to gamble with
is yourself.

Go ahead, climb up onto the velvet top
of the highest stakes table.
Place yourself as the bet.
Look God in the eyes
and finally
for once in your life
lose.” 

― Adyashanti

 This poem crossed my path recently and has really stuck around.  On one hand, it resonates with that sense of letting go and clearing out that I always feel at the end of a year, but it points to something so much deeper.

Giving up.

So often that phrase is seen as weak or small, but lately, I've noticed a real courage in defeat, in surrender, in giving up.  The strength of being willing to tread forth without hope of a win, or being right, or succeeding at anything.

Just walking, one foot in front of the other, curious, wide eyed and unsure about where your feet are walking.  

The Next Thing

Seven months ago, I posted this on Facebook (italics added):

Today, I complete the The Artist's Way, a twelve-week program created by Julia Cameron. It’s officially tagged as a creative recovery program, but for me, it’s been about more than opening the channel to create art. It’s been about opening the channel to create absolutely anything – loving relationships, a satisfying career, a truer version of myself, the next moment. This is my second time through the course; the last time, back in my mid-twenties, was a crazy mess, although still quite transformative. This time was calmer and more of a journey into self-honoring and self-empowerment than what I expected when I began. And so, onto the next chapter I go…

The italicized line has really taken on a life of its own, and in particular, that "satisfying career" piece has been a trip.

To start with some context, my decision to do The Artist's Way came from two intersecting circumstances: a lot of time on my hands, and not a clue with what I might do to fill it.  My move back to my hometown necessitated leaving a full-time law teaching job, and as I experimented with continuing on the teaching path, the signs kept showing me that this wasn't the way to go. 

During my first year back, I got a little break from figuring all this out when I worked side by side with my husband as he started a business in his field, dog grooming.  Although it was such a great experience to see my husband, the dog whisperer, do his thing, when the business took off, the obvious choice for both the good of the business and our marriage was to hire other people. 

And then, I was out of excuses and really freed up to find my own thing, but the next thing has turned out to be quite an elusive little sucker.

Over two years of on and off job searching, I've gone through cycles of sending out tons of resumes to walking away from it all for a little while.  A big part of my frustration has been the way the current job market feels, a sea of position announcements with no give, each drawing a neat little box of specific requirements.  And as I measured myself against these requirement lists, again and again, I felt like a messy blob of way too much and not enough all at the same time.  I felt like a completely misshapen peg staring down a bunch of perfectly defined little holes, and I had no desire to even try wedging myself into most of them.  From the lack of response to so many of my applications, they had no desire for me to try.

And actually, I really started to love unemployment.  The looking for jobs part really sucked at times, but it would be easy to get used to not working.

But as soon as I'd start settling in to that contentment, the pendulum would swing back, and I'd remember how I felt when I wrote that post on Facebook.  I wanted to do something in the world, be part of something that felt meaningful, paint the next part of this lifelong work of art called My Career.  I could see how all the signs in life kept lining up in a unified message that it was time for me to step out, so Operation Fulfilling Job kept on moving forward. 

In the search, there were two notable possibilities: a job right out of the gate as a social media strategist, and a job about two months ago as a prison case manager. 

The social media job was an exact match for my desire for great aesthetics: gorgeous office building, cool and interesting co-workers, huge opportunities for creativity.  And at first, all slid along feeling quite fated with a great interview and then a call to come back the next day.  But even though an offer followed, there was a strange series of miscommunications that shattered my fantasy of this perfect new job before it even got off the ground.

After months of nothing more than a bunch of half-hearted applications, the prison job was the next thing that really ignited a sense of possibility in me.  Although it lacked all the aesthetics that made me drool over that social media job, I thought maybe I'd be more content on the other, more purposeful, side of the spectrum.  But, as I detailed in my last post, this too was not at all a fit for me.

I wanted the meaning and a sense of service to the greater good AND I wanted the aesthetics, the good feeling day to day.  I wanted the chance to start a creative and intellectual adventure with beauty at both the surface and the depths.  Even though the possibility of finding such a thing was looking less and less likely, I somehow kept the faith. 

Shortly after strike two on this job seeking odyssey, my experience underwent a noticeable shift.  A couple of job announcements crossed my path within days of each other.  One was for the exact job that I got out of law school, although in a different office.  It was something I was good at then, and all my experiences in the interim only made me more qualified.  The other announcement was for a job with a renewable energy company mentioning a mix of skills that fit within my legal background and my more recent exposure to business and accounting through doing the books for my husband's business.  And this second announcement felt so different from all the ones I'd been seeing; rather than a neat and defined box, it was vague, open, and flexible.

Finally, I wasn't in that spot of feeling like both too little and too much for a job.  For one of them, I felt myself to me the perfect fit, given that the exact job title was already on my resume.  For the other, I could see how I was an interesting possibility with the key skills and qualities they hoped to find.

As you can probably guess by now, one of these two jobs has become that next thing for me.

That job I held in the past, not even a phone call.  A week ago, I got a letter in the mail that they decided not to pursue my candidacy.  It actually amuses me that when I finally did find that perfect fit of a box, there was still no response.  Great confirmation that this time of my life really is for starting something new.

And my new thing has emerged from that uniquely open job announcement.  It feels more beautiful and interesting than the job I would have created from my own mind if I'd really let myself imagine that anything was possible.

This time I'm not buying into any fantasy of perfection, but I am truly excited and curious about the shape this new phase of life will take.  And so again, onto the next chapter I go...

Capitalism as a Way to Address Our Prison Crisis?

Almost fifteen years ago, I walked into a prison for the first time, and since then, the current state of our prison system had been of great and heartbreaking interest to me.  I wrote a little about my thoughts, feelings, and experiences with all this in locked down light back in 2010.

And recently, I have had a new surge of energy in this area.  I've been job searching on and off for the last couple years, looking for a meaningful and interesting new start to my career.  In the process, I've opened up and explored a huge variety of possibilities, and a couple months ago, I applied for and accepted a position as a case manager in a local jail.  Although the pay wasn't great, it had the stability and benefits I wanted, and it felt like an opportunity to do meaningful work that would channel my compassion for incarcerated people into something productive.

I lasted two days. 

The PREA (Prison Rape Elimination Act) talk and the prison tour culminated into a stomach turning reality check.  I could not possibly handle being in this environment day after day.  The smells, the overcrowding, the human beings caged up for huge parts of the day with one or two other people in rooms the size of a typical bathroom...I wanted to cry or just scream "how can we call this humane!" 

I was in a facility holding mostly people who had not even been convicted.  Any one of us, no matter the legality of our actions, could be accused of a crime.  And the unfortunate reality of our criminal justice system is that convicted isn't really synonymous with guilt; just take a look at all the exonerations of people after decades of serving time.  Guilty or innocent, this is no way to treat other human beings.

Although I felt moved to action, I chose my mental well being and walked away from the job.  But I started researching and thinking about possibilities for shifting the horrid direction of mass incarceration and inhumane conditions in our prisons.  In this, something occurred to me.

I started here: Why Scandinavian Prisons Have Less Recidivism.  For me, this article was heartening and opened up some optimism that at least somewhere in the world a different approach is taken.  Then, I came across this: Prison Firm CCA Seeks to Reduce Number of Repeat Offenders, and an idea started coming together.

What if one of our for-profit prison companies could be convinced to build a prison much more like one of these Scandinavian prisons?  What if it was built to compete with the overcrowded and violent facilities throughout our nation?  What if this company used the project to study the recidivism rates in different types of facilities?  What if judges across the country were moved to send offenders here for a more rehabilitative period of incarceration?  What if this started to shift the cycles of recidivism and the ever-increasing prison population?

Many states (19, I think) outlaw the use of private prisons, and just a few minutes searching the topic of private prisons reveals the skepticism and disgust in the public perception of these facilities.  I don't know whether this public opinion reflects reality because of the lack of studies on whether the conditions in the private prisons are really worse than in the publically run facilities.  My own gut says that there isn't much of a difference, and the distaste comes from the fact that these prisons are making a profit.

But lately, I've started challenging that assumption that the profit motive only instigates greed and corruption.  (A book that started opening me to this view is Be The Solution: How Entrepreneurs and Conscious Capitalists Can Solve All the Worlds Problems.)  Either private or public, there's a ridiculous amount of our tax dollars perpetuating this cycle.  Could the for-profit motive lead to greater efficiency in the spending of those dollars?  Could it lead to more creative solutions, more creative ways of connecting the greater good with a profit?  Could this bottom line motivation actually be helpful in instigating change?  Is it possible to start a revolution here in the for-profit sector that stagnant government bureaucracy couldn't possibly accomplish? 

I'm inclined to say, yes.

Thoughts?  I invite any and all ideas, by email, message, or comment below. 

Autonomy and Women

As both a woman and the mother of a woman-to-be, I am deeply interested in issues of gender equality and harmony, and it is actually a somewhat rare occurrence that I find a point of view that really resonates for me in this area.  But recently, two completely different articles crossed my FB newsfeed and stood out: Legalize Polygamy and Freedom Whore (about abortion - warning graphic photo and some strong language in this article).  As you might imagine from the titles, these two articles share little in terms of general flavor, content, or place on the liberal/conservative divide.  And although neither article fully resonated for me, as I read them, I was struck by the common respect for feminine autonomy at the heart of each argument.  

The trend of other people making decisions on behalf of adult women is a vestige of historical inequality.  Although the specifics have changed, the existence of debates around polygamy and abortion illustrate how the dynamic has remained.  It is so easy for us to mentally imagine the choices of abortion or marrying a man that already has a wife (or several) and proclaim ourselves able to make "the right decision" for women generally.  We can get so absorbed in the debate that we overlook the immense difference between this abstract analysis and the actuality of such a decision in an individual woman’s life.   

These debates attempt to override an individual woman's personal calculus.  The back-alley abortions and polygamous marriages in the shadows show the truth: these are and always will be her decisions about her life and her body.  

As long as there is a fight in public about the right decision she should make, her individual autonomy is not fully respected.  The idea of women as a means lurks within both of these issues, yet each woman is more than a means for children and more than a means for progress in the women's movement.  Each woman is an autonomous being in control of her own destiny, no matter the destiny she might choose.  

In the safe place of not having either of these choices before me, I personally feel deeply drawn to choose life and to choose only one marriage partner, but am I really in a position to make either of these choices for another woman, faced with incredibly different circumstances and coming from a completely different history?  When I consider some of the really big differences facing other women who confront these decisions, my own sense of the decision I would make seems completely irrelevant.

A Culture of Peace

Today, there's a March for a Culture of Peace and Non-violence in my hometown, a city that has seen far too much violence and bloodshed in recent years.  I'm moved by the action of people from all around the community coming together to stand for change, and as I get ready to go and join them, I find myself asking:

What is a culture of peace and non-violence?

The answer occurring to me at the moment: It's a culture based on the truth of We Are One.

That little phrase is thrown around quite a bit in religious ceremonies, spiritual circles, and new age discussions, but as I see it, there is far more power in these three words than is often recognized and put into practice.  When people act from We Are One, there is a completely different response to a tragic event in the community.  Instead of blaming those most directly responsible, there is a collective responsibility that swoops in to help, to restore, and to reestablish balance.  There is engagement, instead of anger and disengagement.  Instead of "us versus them" patterns, there is an opening question of how will WE heal?

We Are One means that we don't get to separate out the bad guys and the good guys.  We don't get to make the depleted ozone layer the fault of big business, the gun violence the fault of drug dealers, or violence against women the fault of chauvinist men.  Of course there is responsibility by specific parties, but the narrow focus born of our finger pointing misses the big picture.

But that finger pointing habit is a really hard one to break.  In the moment, it can feel so much easier to find some bad people to blame for something that upsets us.  We can buy into the fantasy that if we just get rid of them or make them stop, then the problem will go away.  But after so many turns of this cycle, we need to ask if this is really true.  Do the problems go away for all the fighting we do?

In my observation, the answer to this one is NO.  The problems seem to just get bigger; they may shift in form and location, but they remain.  Just like how viruses get immune to antibiotics, the patterns of violence get immune to the barriers and weapons we use to defeat them.  The entire idea of fighting against violence causes us to feed our own energy into the problems we seek to change.

"There is no way to peace.  Peace is the way."

To truly transform our violent culture, a culture of peace needs to grow from the seed of peaceful intention.  I actually love the phrase "a culture of peace."  When we shift from a focus on this intangible concept of peace to a focus on shifting the culture, the norms, and the ways of being, to me, it becomes a more practical movement.  We make up the culture, and by looking at the level of culture, more tangible things we can work on within ourselves arise, things that can spill over into actions in our lives, contributions in our immediate communities, and a growing movement within the greater human community.

A culture of peace needs to start with our own response to the realities that alarm us, challenge us, and break our hearts.  We are all in this together, we are one community, one human race.  When we take collective responsibility for the problems in our community, we have a collective power to transform.  This march feels like such a beautiful way the people of the city and surrounding areas are taking that collective responsibility and igniting their power for positive change.

"Out beyond ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing, there is a field.  I will meet you there."  Rumi

To me, this field is the culture of peace.  When we start spending more time in this field, acting more from our oneness than from our separateness, then I truly believe we will see the dawning of a culture of peace.

TODAY

One Moment can change Everything.

I first came across a copy of this awesome painting on a card years ago, and originally I misinterpreted its meaning. The artist, Karen Kerney, created this image for a peace calendar, and she explains that it symbolizes how the world changed after Hiroshima. It was a call to action for peace by the witness of how the horrifying moments change the world. But when I first saw this image, I saw just the opposite. I saw the potential moments that could transform the world, the critical mass moments where there is enough momentum for a new dream to begin. I believe deeply that beautiful, connecting, and positive moments can also profoundly change the course of history.

Find the time for the Synchronized World Peace Moment in your time zone here:

 

See you there!

One Day!

“Imagine all the people living life in peace…” John Lennon

 

Tomorrow is the International Day of Peace, and there are lots of ways to participate, whether you stay at home or get out in the community.

1) To find events in your area, visit http://peacemap.unify.org/
2) There is a domino peace meditation at noon local time that you can participate in by spending some time in silence at that time.
3) Lastly, there is THE BIG MOMENT: the Synchronized Global Meditation at noon, PST. Go to http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html to find out what time this will be in your time zone (3 PM if you’re on the East Coast). To participate, all you need to do is take a quiet moment, wherever you are. If you’re not a meditator, don’t let that stop you! Just sit down, close your eyes, and let go – of narrating what’s happening, of to do lists, of gripes, of the future, of the past. Really, just do nothing and let go of any thoughts that come up, and whenever you realize you’ve drifted, just bring yourself back to focus on the quiet, the silence, the Peace of the moment. Imagine your intention for a more peaceful world coming together with the same intention being held by people around the world of different cultures, lifestyles, and religions. Imagine all these intentions coming together in a powerful force of change. Gives me goosebumps!

Unify.org has been my main source of information on Peace Day events, but there is stuff all over the web.

Thanks to any of you reading this and all of you who gave some attention to my posts over the past couple weeks. If you’ve shared something, thank you! And if you haven’t, please consider it. The Unify FB page has cool photos with the date and time of the Global Meditation, and feel free to share (even copy, modify, and share) anything I’ve posted over these last couple weeks.

I put my heart and soul into this strange countdown experiment, and it was a humbling, challenging, and ultimately rewarding experience for me. I hope it offered something beneficial to you.

Namaste _/||\_

 

#peaceday #september21

2 Days to Peace Day

“I have nothing new to teach the world.  Truth and nonviolence are as old as the hills.  All I have done is to try experiments in both on as vast a scale as I could.”  Gandhi

So, I’m totally out of the closet now: I’m obsessed with Gandhi.  For years, I haven’t actually thought so much about him, but in my 20s, I was thoroughly obsessed.  During my first week in law school, I even remember walking around the campus clutching my copy of his “All Men Are Brothers” and reading it during my breaks.  Over the years, my interest in Gandhi has waxed and waned, and writing these countdown posts not surprisingly initiated a new surge.

One of the reasons I’ve resonated with him so much is reflected in this quote.  I too am drawn to experiment with truth and non-violence, both within myself and with my actions in the world.  My experiments generally go something like this: 1) I notice a disruption, 2) I get an inclination about how to draw it out and engage it, and 3) I follow out an experiment in order to try transform it and/or understand it better.  The upsides to all this are that I learn so much in the process and sometimes a beautiful alchemy does result.  The downsides: it makes me do some weird shit, and sometimes my results are more like the ones Neville Longbottom would end up with in one of Professor McGonagall’s transfiguration classes.  If you’ve ever been baffled by my actions (ie. gypsying around the country, my Gary Johnson crusade,….), it may very well be because I was engaged in one of my little experiments.    

Experimentation is also my motivation for this countdown.  When I first read about the global meditation, the possibility of thousands (maybe millions!) of people around the world unifying their intentions at one moment in time captured me.  Then, I read an article about how experiments on group meditations showed a reduction in crime rates and violence, and I was totally hooked.  The social scientist inside me became totally engaged with an incredible sense of interest in the great potential.  I felt and still feel such a desire to help build the number of people who participate (3 PM EDT from wherever you are!), and I’m just this wide eyed and curious kid waiting to see how it all comes out.

So there it is, folks, my secret life inner life is a compulsive string of experiments.  I can’t seem to stop myself from doing it again and again, for better or worse, and forever hoping for the outcome that seems most impossible to believe.

#peaceday #september21

 

3 Days to Peace Day!

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Rumi

I first read this quote in a Nonviolent Communication (NVC) class, and I can still remember what a big a deal it was for ...me to let this idea of a field beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing sink in. It’s a difficult point of view to cultivate, and mostly, my awareness of this field comes from the times when I realize that I am not in this field at all. But still, I’ve found the investigation of both the field and its absence to be incredibly useful as a gauge for understanding my role in the conflicts of my life.

NVC is also something I’ve found incredibly useful. It is a four step communication process that assists people in talking through conflicts. It has been successfully employed throughout the world in organizations from companies to schools to governments to prisons, and it can also be quite useful in your closest relationships.

Although the process can lead to profound changes, it all comes from four simple steps: 1) honestly express your observations of the situation, 2) share your feelings in regard to those observations, 3) express your needs in the situation, and 4) make a request to the other person about what you need in the situation. Starting a difficult conversation by telling the other person these four things (and nothing else) can lead to a much more productive and loving conversation than what would have likely occurred otherwise.

It’s also been huge for me to really parse apart my observations from my judgments, and my feelings from my beliefs. When you plan out these four steps in relation to a brewing conflict, it’s astounding to see all the hurtful ideas you have tangled into the stripped down version of what really happened. When you can clear out your own biased and defensive judgments before you communicate with the other person, it can make a world of difference in setting the scene for a conversation that can lead to greater understanding and connection. Slowing down enough to really hear the other person’s side has taught me so much about myself and about the people I love. 

Truly, this is an awesome tool, and writing this has been a synchronistic reminder that I really needed.

 

Go to http://www.cnvc.org/ if you’d like to learn more about NVC.

#peaceday #september21

4 Days

War and Peace in the World

“Let us take the risks of peace upon our lives, not impose the risks of war upon the world.” Quaker Proverb

If you read yesterday’s post, you may have gotten the impression that I think the appropriate response to terroristic violence and tyranny is simply to see ourselves in the people committing the atrocities, and that in some way we can just pray it all away. Although understandable to get that impression, it actually isn’t accurate.

Yesterday’s post was about internal state, not about action. Peaceful action, in my opinion, has little to do with how forceful or how tranquil the action itself is. Rather, the relevant inquiry is into the perspective from which the action arises. Even an action of great force can come from a calmness of mind. When there is a true embrace of our shared humanity, I believe that even quite fierce or outwardly violent actions have the potential to move us toward peace. Internal state is where peace starts, but it's only through actions arising from an internal state of peace that we can bring the peace we have cultivated inside ourselves to the world around us.

But on a wide scale humans have fallen into quite a different pattern. Our actions, large and small, aggressive and docile, are much more often fueled by a state of blameful separation. The problem is that whether these actions succeed or fail in the short run, when we step back, we can start to notice that actions to defeat the beast of violence that are taken with this blameful intention are in vain. The beast just keeps getting stronger; it just keeps reappearing and morphing into more ruthless forms.

When Gandhi said “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind,” this wasn’t just a line of idealistic poetry. He was stating an observation about how certain kinds of actions work in the world. When we aggress in the hope for vengeance, in a belief that elimination and punishment will heal our wounds and make us safe, we become blind.

To me, the most heartbreaking example of this blindness is the widespread support and apathy around the use of killer drones. Look at how we mourn the unjust and untimely death of one treasured young person in our own nation, and yet, we give so little notice to the hundreds, possibly into the thousands, of children and adults whose innocent lives have been lost in our remote control warfare. Our eyes and our hearts have been closed by fear.

Fear that is lying to us. Yesterday, I wrote about how we resist understanding what offends us because we’re afraid that understanding would be like condoning or empowering those offensive things. So instead, we quite often choose to hate that which offends us. We choose the course of doing whatever it takes to eliminate that which offends us. And in this course of action, we miss seeing an obvious pattern at work.

The opposite of our conditioned instincts is true. It is our resistance to understand, and the resulting hatred and loss of integrity that IS condoning and empowering the violent behavior that offends us. We're sending a clear message about what we think of as an empowered voice of opposition, and it is only a matter of time until someone speaks back to us in the same language.

“Nonviolence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man.” Gandhi

Entertain the possibility that this isn’t merely a lofty metaphor, but a statement of actual truth. Gandhi’s movement to free India shows how this principle can actually work to break the chain of violence and injustice. Gandhi was so unique in his approach to opposition. He never lost faith in the British; he firmly held that if they really knew what they were doing and saw it clearly, they would leave India. And as we all learned, he was right, and in my humble opinion, this faith in his enemy was one of the most unique and powerful waves of change the world has ever seen.

#peaceday #september21

5 Days!

War and Peace Inside Ourselves:

 

“Undisturbed calmness of mind is attained by cultivating friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and indifference toward the wicked.” Patanjali

To me, the power of this statement comes from how it reflects a common thread of internal equanimity running through reactions to both the virtuous and wicked, the happy and unhappy. This calmness of mind is an entry to the realization that:

“The biggest embrace of love you'll ever make is to embrace yourself completely. And you'll realize you've just embraced the whole universe, and everything and everybody in it.” Adyashanti

The whole universe. Everything. Everybody. That’s really hard to embrace, eh? Whether it’s inside or outside, we’ve all got those things that we just will not embrace.

When we see things that horrify or offend us, the most comfortable internal road to take is to distance ourselves with blame and a desire to eliminate and/or punish. It seems completely counterintuitive to allow the gentle realization of understanding to dawn on us. It can feel like we are condoning or empowering the wrong, if we admit that somewhere inside we know delusion and desperation, we know how lost in a train of thought we can become, we know how vicious and out of control anger can become….And yet, peace within only comes from such gentle understanding, such calmness, and such a willingness to embrace it all.

#peaceday #september21

6 Days to #PEACEDAY #SEPTEMBER21

MEDITATION:

 I’ve got a very fiery sort-of mind, and so meditation is something that never really fit for me. For years, I tried sitting and using different techniques, but the result was always the same. My mind would wander and before I even knew what was happening, I was up to do something I felt needed to be done right at that moment. The meditation was over before it ever began.

About a year ago, things shifted when I went on my first silent meditation retreat. Odd that someone with no experience meditating would sign up for five days of nothing but meditation, but that’s the sort-of wacky girl I am. And I’m glad for it because being in an environment where I couldn’t just jump up, I learned a great deal. And for the last six months, I have fallen into consistent daily meditation practice.

The big thing I've learned is that the nature of my mind isn’t necessarily going to change from fiery to calm, from chatty to still.  My mind is probably not even going to make that transition after 5 minutes, or 10, or even 20 or 40 minutes. As I sit and watch, there is a settling, and as things settle, there is a calmness that becomes more and more noticeable, but my blabbermouth mind generally keeps on keepin' on. The good thing is that my chatty mind is no longer the central object of my attention.

Meditation is an experiment for me. I don’t use a fancy cushion or any mantras or other techniques. A comfy chair, a reasonable amount of quiet, and a timer is all I need, and on Sunday from around 2:45 through 3:15 PM that’s all I’ll be using to participate in the global meditation. I don't even think I'll do anything to bring a particular focus on peace because really, meditation itself is already focused peace.

At both silent retreats I’ve attended, we were given a handout with an excerpt from the book True Meditation, by Adyashanti. Here's a taste of those instructions:

“True Meditation has no direction or goal. It is pure wordless surrender, pure silent prayer…In true meditation all objects (thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, etc.) are left to their natural functioning. This means that no effort should be made to focus on, manipulate, control, or suppress any object of awareness…As you gently relax into awareness, into listening, the mind’s compulsive contraction around objects will fade...An attitude of open receptivity, free of any goal or anticipation, will facilitate the presence of silence and stillness to be revealed as your natural condition. As you rest into stillness more profoundly, awareness becomes free of the mind’s compulsive control, contractions, and identifications. Awareness naturally returns to its non-state of absolute unmanifest potential, the silent abyss beyond all knowing.”

For more, check out the full book, which also comes with a great guided mediation CD.

7 Days

PEACE WEEK STARTS TOMORROW AND #PEACEDAY #SEPTEMBER21 IS A WEEK AWAY!

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

I love this Gandhi quote first and foremost because it cracks me up. I picture this skinny little Indian man winning his movement to get The Mighty British Empire to leave India, and I just love it. To me, this quote seems a succinct statement of his simple strategy of perseverance.

Those really big and seemingly impossible dreams only have life if you can wait out getting ignored, laughed at, and fought. So tempting it is to back off, shut up, and hide when any one of those things start to happen, but your win is waiting on the other side of humiliation. Persevere, and both the goal and some hard earned humility come closer and closer.

Nine days ago, out of nowhere I decided to start these countdown posts toward the International Day of Peace. The idea struck me, and I just went with it. It’s been interesting to sift through quotes and undertake little writing explorations into different aspects of peace, and it amazes me how peace keeps revealing itself to be such a dynamic, deep, and even paradoxical concept.

And as dedicated to peace as I am and have been for decades, there are those times when an uncomfortable wave of something akin to shame washes over me. I get this feeling that I’m just getting lost in a silly fantasy. How naïve to even believe real and true peace is possible between human beings, on a wide scale, and in this day and age. How arrogant to believe that “little insignificant me” could play any part whatsoever in a transformation so huge. How absolutely ridiculous. I should simply ignore those ideas and tugs within myself; I should laugh at them; I should fight them.

But you know what I say: fuck that. Excuse my language, but I like to set a clear and harsh boundary with that sort-of thinking. Sure, it’s got news reports, public opinion, and all sorts of evidence on its side, but it’s a pit of despair I’m just not willing to jump into. I choose to persevere.

Wishing each of you a peaceful Sunday. xo

8 Days

“Any time I'm defensive, I have started a war.”  Byron Katie 

Byron Katie's "The Work" is one of the best tools I've found to help resolve an inner conflict towards another person or a situation in your life. It's a simple process of exploring an issue, asking yourself 4 questions, and then turning it around.  The worksheet for The Work is a free download off her website.urning it around - simple, yet extraordinarily powerful. You can download the worksheet for free off her website. urning it around - simple, yet extraordinarily powerful. You can download the worksheet for free off her website.

Doorways to greater peace in the world are within our own minds, our own being, and our own lives. There is so much power that lies in our untapped faith, our acceptance of endless war, and our focus on only what will bring a tangible result that we will be around to enjoy. Through what we’re willing to believe in, what we’re willing to challenge, and whether we’re willing to invest in a world we may not see, we have great power for peace.ABOUT THE COUNTDOWN: This post is counting down the days until the International Day of Peace on 9/21/14.  There will be a Global Meditation for Peace at 3:00 PM Eastern Time on that day, and you can participate from wherever you happen to be or find an event in your area at peacemap.unify.org.  For more information, go to unify.org, and if you're skeptical about the power of group meditation, google "Proof that Group Meditation can Change the World."

9 DAYS

“We must be prepared to make heroic sacrifices for the cause of peace that we make ungrudgingly for the cause of war.  There is no task that is more important or closer to my heart.” Albert Einstein

Doorways to greater peace in the world are within our own minds, our own being, and our own lives. There is so much power that lies in our untapped faith, our acceptance of endless war, and our focus on only what will bring a tangible result that we will be around to enjoy. Through what we’re willing to believe in, what we’re willing to challenge, and whether we’re willing to invest in a world we may not see, we have great power for peace.ABOUT THE COUNTDOWN: This post is counting down the days until the International Day of Peace on 9/21/14.  There will be a Global Meditation for Peace at 3:00 PM Eastern Time on that day, and you can participate from wherever you happen to be or find an event in your area at peacemap.unify.org.  For more information, go to unify.org, and if you're skeptical about the power of group meditation, google "Proof that Group Meditation can Change the World."

10 Days

“Hatred does not cease by hatred at any time; hatred ceases by love. This is an unalterable law.” The Buddha

I also think it can be said that war does not cease by war at any time; war ceases by peace. This is an unalterable law. From my point of view, our wars on drugs and on terrorism are such obvious illustrations of this law. That which we try with all our might to destroy grows and morphs, absorbing the anger of our fight. We chop off one head, and two more grow in its place. We destroy this aspect of it, and another, uglier and harder to handle one sprouts somewhere else.

Thirteen years ago, an overwhelming act of violence struck the United States. It still hurts to remember. In response to the immensity of this unmovable pain, a sense of anger and hatred for those who had any responsibility became a dominant channel for all the grief and sadness. Subtly, we were told that this great loss of life won’t be in vain if all the terrorists are hunted, punished, killed – then, it will stop hurting so much. But that’s lie. It will never stop hurting. And it won’t stop hurting for the people in countries across the globe who lose their loved ones each day from the wars on their homelands. The pain of war does not go away when one side triumphs or when someone responsible for great tragedy is gone.

I feel that the greatest honor we can give the victims of violence is to give our lives to peace, in the incredible variety of ways that peace may express itself. Peace is not the lack of fight; it is the lack of fight fueled by hatred. The Bhagavad Gita happens on a battlefield in which Arjuna is seeking the counsel of God because he does not want to fight. The dialogue unfolds with the Higher Power sending Arjuna to do his duty in battle, and yet, The Gita is known as a text about peace. It’s the key text that influenced Mahatma Gandhi, one of our greatest heros of peace. The Gita points to an idea of peace more powerful and transformative than war could ever be.

ABOUT THE COUNTDOWN: This post is counting down the days until the International Day of Peace on 9/21/14. There will be a Global Meditation for Peace at 3:00 PM Eastern Time on that day, and you can participate from wherever you happen to be or find an event in your area at peacemap.unify.org. For more information, go to unify.org, and if you're skeptical about the power of group meditation, google "Proof that Group Meditation can Change the World."

11 Days

“In India when we meet and part we often say, “Namaste,” which means I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides; I honor the place in you of love, of light, of truth, of peace. I honor the place within you where if you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us.” -Ram Dass

Namaste.

ABOUT THE COUNTDOWN: This post is counting down the... days until the International Day of Peace on 9/21/14. There will be a Global Meditation for Peace at 3:00 PM Eastern Time on that day, and you can participate from wherever you happen to be or find an event in your area at peacemap.unify.org. For more information, go to unify.org, and if you're skeptical about the power of group meditation, google "Proof that Group Meditation can Change the World."

12 Days

Three intertwined quotes for today

“Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light.” Helen Keller

“I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

“One must care about a world one will not see.”  Bertrand Russell

Doorways to greater peace in the world are within our own minds, our own being, and our own lives.  There is so much power that lies in our untapped faith, our acceptance of endless war, and our focus on only what will bring a tangible result that we will be around to enjoy.  Through what we’re willing to believe in, what we’re willing to challenge, and whether we’re willing to invest in a world we may not see, we have great power for peace.

ABOUT THE COUNTDOWN: This post is counting down the days until the International Day of Peace on 9/21/14.  There will be a Global Meditation for Peace at 3:00 PM Eastern Time on that day, and you can participate from wherever you happen to be or find an event in your area at peacemap.unify.org.  For more information, go to unify.org, and if you're skeptical about the power of group meditation, google "Proof that Group Meditation can Change the World."

13 Days

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi

ABOUT THE COUNTDOWN: This post is counting down the days until the International Day of Peace on 9/21/14. There will be a Global Meditation for Peace at 3:00 PM Eastern Time on that day; you can participate from wherever you happen to be or find an event in your area at peacemap.unify.org. For more information, go to unify.org, and if you're skeptical about the power of group meditation, google "Proof that Group Meditation can Change the World."

14 Days

“It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.” Anne Frank


ABOUT THE COUNTDOWN: This post is counting down the days until the International Day of Peace on 9/21/14. There will be a Global Meditation for Peace at 3:00 PM Eastern Time on that day, and you do not even need to leave your house to participate. For more information on the Global Meditation, go to unify.org, and if you're skeptical about the power of group meditation, google "Proof that Group Meditation can Change the World."

15 Days

“You cannot separate the just from the unjust and the good from the wicked; for they stand together before the face of the sun even as the black thread and the white are woven together. And when the black thread breaks, the weaver shall look into the whole cloth, and he shall examine the loom also.” Khalil Gibran

ABOUT THE COUNTDOWN: This post is counting down the days until the International Day of Peace on 9/21/14. There will be a Global Meditation for Peace at 3:00 PM Eastern Time on that day, and you do not even need to leave your house to participate. For more information on the Global Meditation, go to unify.org, and if you're skeptical about the power of group meditation, google "Proof that Group Meditation can Change the World."

16 DAY COUNTDOWN TO THE INTERNATIONAL DAY OF PEACE

Eight years ago was my first time honoring or even being aware of the International Day of Peace. At the time, I was living in Santa Fe, NM, and I had been volunteering as the Santa Fe Coordinator for the Peace Alliance. During this short period of my life, I was most vocal about my unwavering allegiance to peace.

I hosted an event on 9/21/06 to show a film, “Satyagraha: 100 Years of Nonviolence.”  The movie was released a couple weeks earlier, and my own interest in Gandhi inspired me to organize a public event to show the film. Only a few people showed up to the event, and although they were very gracious and enjoyed the film, I was a bit disappointed that more people didn’t show. But after I got home that night, I vividly remember this one moment: looking up at the dark sky so deep with stars, a silent understanding swept over me as the wind blew. I knew it was good that I’d spent the money and time to organize the event; it wasn’t the quantity of people that mattered. Gandhi himself was an example of how just one person can have a monumental impact.

A few weeks later, I received a card in the mail with a check that coincidentally almost exactly matched the money I’d spend on that evening. One of the attendees said she felt inspired by my actions, and she wanted to pay it forward.

Another man who attended borrowed a book of mine that evening, a great book about Gandhi’s life. The next time I saw this man, he was in full Gandhi garb walking through a public event in Santa Fe, hugging people, saying Gandhi-like things, reciting quotes. I saw him around town a few more times, always as the “Santa Fe Gandhi.” I never did get my book back, but it was true to its title: The Transformation of a Man. It was clear something had shifted in this man, enough to drive him to wrap himself in a sheet and spread peace through our community.

Gandhi is the human being in history that I’ve found most interesting because of the means with which he pursued his quest for India’s freedom. Nonviolence was not a strategy, or a tool to be picked up and put down; nonviolence was the movement itself. Nonviolence was what he cultivated through his most personal inner struggles and investigations, as well as in his most public talks and actions.

Satyagraha, the name Gandhi chose for the movement he led, means the pursuit of truth. Although the connection between truth and peace might not be immediately apparent, it certainly was to Gandhi. And as I’ve spent a great deal of my adult life in the investigation of both truth and peace, I too have found that they are deeply interconnected. When we wholeheartedly pursue truth, we arrive at peace. When we wholeheartedly pursue peace, we arrive at truth.

For each day of this countdown, I’ll share a favorite quote or maybe something else. Please join me in whatever way you feel called, and consider participating in the Global Meditation at 3:00 PM Eastern Time on 9/21.

So to start my countdown: "Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it." -Gandhi 

Doing this countdown and participating in the global meditation on the 21st feels like it did to organize that film viewing eight years ago. Maybe it is insignificant, or maybe I'll end up seeing one of you strolling around in a sheet sometime soon, or maybe each of us, with our actions and intentions, makes a bigger difference than we could ever understand. I'll take my chances.

The Mystery of the Extra Chromosome

Originally written around 1996

My sister, Kristin, has Down Syndrome, a genetic condition caused by one extra chromosome.  In a "normal" person, there are 46 chromosomes in each cell of the body, arranged in 23 pairs.  People with Down Syndrome have an extra chromosome that is usually in pair 21, called Standard Trisomy 21.  Although there are variations between people with Down's, I have noticed two things that many of them lack that us "normal" people have: lack of modesty and moral knowledge.  These same two traits are the only two traits attributed to Adam and Eve before original sin; they had no shame of their naked bodies and God commanded them not to touch the fruit from the tree of moral knowledge.

Let me explain my sister's lack of modesty with a little anecdote from our youth.  I remember one time at the pool when I was young and Kristin was in her teens.  My mom sent Kristin into the bathroom to change out of her wet bathing suit.  A few minutes later, Kristin came out: completely naked, wet bathing suit in hand.  My mother almost died, but Kristin still had a smile on her face as my mother quickly shoved her back into the bathroom.

It always amazed me growing up that she never cared about covering herself up.  None of the typical embarrassment, self-consciousness, or insecurity that eventually took over in me and all my friends.  There's a sort-of eternal innocence that preserves this childlike trait in people of Down's, and I've come to admire this trait so much.

Another childlike trait that puzzled me growing up and observing my sister is that she never noticed when other people were making fun of her.  She doesn't have that gauge for understanding the difference between people being good or bad.  She is certainly impressionable and can learn the tricks of the trade by watching someone else, but she doesn't register the right versus wrong alternative.  Reminiscent of Eve being prodded by the serpent to disobey and eat the fruit, Kristin too might be swayed into a forbidden cookie before dinner.  But when asked if she did it, she'd just show the chocolate in her teeth: no guilt, no shame for breaking the rules.

Studies done on the behavior and psychology of people with Down's seem to attribute a wide range of traits, negative and positive, to people with Down's, and I've come to believe that people with Down's are a mirror of what they've seen and experienced.  My sister grew up in an incredibly supportive environment, and she has flourished.  She has had a full-time job at the Dupont Company for eight years where she uses a computer to sort mail and delivers it around to different buildings.  Other kids she was friends with were exposed to less than ideal environments, and they reflected these environments back in very different behaviors: terrible habits, mean words, closed posture.  I've come to see people with Down's as clean slates, so impressionable, so innocent, and so pure.

And so it seems to me this extra chromosome is really a chromosome of purity.  Might the world be a Garden of Eden if everyone had the chromosome of purity?  Is it really such a handicap that no disappointment and desire lasts long enough to cause real pain?  Is it really so bad to have happiness take precedence over stress?  I've so often thought Down's Syndrome is her gift, not her handicap.

And yet, these lost souls of the Garden of Eden have shown up in a chaotic world, and are often hurt and even defiled by the chaos and ugliness around them.  I propose we work to maintain their purity, and respect them deeply.  We have so much to learn if we just realize the great teachers they really are.

The Fox and the Light

The fox travels in the shadows and is only seen during the between times.  When the sunlight is either just appearing or just disappearing, the dim glow is enough to see the environs, and yet there are so many shadows and dark places to hide from view.  The fox quickly scurries from one place of interest to the next, mostly undetected, unseen.

And I am the fox.  Over the years, it's been hard to avoid seeing the pattern that plays out: how I wait until no one is looking to stuff money in the tip jar, how I speak my deepest truths when my listener has tuned out, how I go completely unnoticed in a place where I spend countless hours.  None of this is on purpose or planned, but just like the fox, it seems an uncontrolled part of my nature.

Here in the blogosphere, my fox nature has been at its height.  I've switched the name and form of my blog several times, and looking back, the trigger for each transformation seems rather obvious.  Anytime heat or attention felt like it was falling upon my writing, my movements began feeling inhibited, and before I knew what was happening, there'd be a quick settling into a new hiding spot.

Such a dramatic dance I've been dancing here in the dark.

Recently, a playful red fox showed herself in my back yard.  We've been catching quick glimpses of her throughout the last year and a half, but recently, she emerged from the shadows long enough for us to get to know her a little better. 

The fox and our dog, Skippy, met one night after dinner.  Skippy's barking and prancing around in delight caught our attention, and we soon noticed through the window that he wasn't alone outside.  Skippy was eager to play and interact, but the fox was more cautious, sneaking up to the fence line and then drifting back.  Coming in to smell, to get closer, and then running back into the darkness as soon as Skippy approached.

For about a week, night after night, Skippy would be out, calling for her, and she would step out from the nighttime shadows.  As she became more acquainted with Skippy, she spent less time in the shadows, more time in the light, more time in the delight of this new friendship.  Practically the same size and shape, when the light barely illuminated them, they looked as if they were of the same species.

The fox learned to come out more freely and even initiated a few nights of play on her own by barking at the fence line.  I imagine it must have been hard to challenge her instincts to stay hidden and avoid interaction with foreign beings.  She must have been scared, unsure, insecure.  She must have been completely uncertain would happen if she stayed out of the shadows too long.

But as the poet Charles Simic has said: "He who cannot howl will not find his pack."  This little fox kindled a bond because she was willing to challenge her instincts and try something new.  She was willing to venture into the unknown and let out a howl.

And as her human cousin, I see there is much I have to learn from her display.  Although there is the possibility of danger and of pain by being exposed in the light, that's not all that happens out there. 

Delight.  Although it can be experienced in the hiding places and the den, there is a certain level of joy that only comes from being in the light, from learning to stay vulnerable a bit longer than comfortable.  There's an element of life that can only open when one is willing to move and play freely out of the shadows, even when eager eyes are looking down from the windows above.

Just maybe I could be so audacious in the face of my own conditioned patterns and learn to let out my howl.