“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Rumi
I first read this quote in a Nonviolent Communication (NVC) class, and I can still remember what a big a deal it was for ...me to let this idea of a field beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing sink in. It’s a difficult point of view to cultivate, and mostly, my awareness of this field comes from the times when I realize that I am not in this field at all. But still, I’ve found the investigation of both the field and its absence to be incredibly useful as a gauge for understanding my role in the conflicts of my life.
NVC is also something I’ve found incredibly useful. It is a four step communication process that assists people in talking through conflicts. It has been successfully employed throughout the world in organizations from companies to schools to governments to prisons, and it can also be quite useful in your closest relationships.
Although the process can lead to profound changes, it all comes from four simple steps: 1) honestly express your observations of the situation, 2) share your feelings in regard to those observations, 3) express your needs in the situation, and 4) make a request to the other person about what you need in the situation. Starting a difficult conversation by telling the other person these four things (and nothing else) can lead to a much more productive and loving conversation than what would have likely occurred otherwise.
It’s also been huge for me to really parse apart my observations from my judgments, and my feelings from my beliefs. When you plan out these four steps in relation to a brewing conflict, it’s astounding to see all the hurtful ideas you have tangled into the stripped down version of what really happened. When you can clear out your own biased and defensive judgments before you communicate with the other person, it can make a world of difference in setting the scene for a conversation that can lead to greater understanding and connection. Slowing down enough to really hear the other person’s side has taught me so much about myself and about the people I love.
Truly, this is an awesome tool, and writing this has been a synchronistic reminder that I really needed.
I first read this quote in a Nonviolent Communication (NVC) class, and I can still remember what a big a deal it was for ...me to let this idea of a field beyond wrongdoing and rightdoing sink in. It’s a difficult point of view to cultivate, and mostly, my awareness of this field comes from the times when I realize that I am not in this field at all. But still, I’ve found the investigation of both the field and its absence to be incredibly useful as a gauge for understanding my role in the conflicts of my life.
NVC is also something I’ve found incredibly useful. It is a four step communication process that assists people in talking through conflicts. It has been successfully employed throughout the world in organizations from companies to schools to governments to prisons, and it can also be quite useful in your closest relationships.
Although the process can lead to profound changes, it all comes from four simple steps: 1) honestly express your observations of the situation, 2) share your feelings in regard to those observations, 3) express your needs in the situation, and 4) make a request to the other person about what you need in the situation. Starting a difficult conversation by telling the other person these four things (and nothing else) can lead to a much more productive and loving conversation than what would have likely occurred otherwise.
It’s also been huge for me to really parse apart my observations from my judgments, and my feelings from my beliefs. When you plan out these four steps in relation to a brewing conflict, it’s astounding to see all the hurtful ideas you have tangled into the stripped down version of what really happened. When you can clear out your own biased and defensive judgments before you communicate with the other person, it can make a world of difference in setting the scene for a conversation that can lead to greater understanding and connection. Slowing down enough to really hear the other person’s side has taught me so much about myself and about the people I love.
Truly, this is an awesome tool, and writing this has been a synchronistic reminder that I really needed.
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