without fear of hypocrisy

in the wake of the hands across the sand gathering, i felt inspired and connected to the other people reaching for a different relationship with the earth, oil, and the oceans. then, yesterday as i surfed the web, i read some of the comment strings following the stories about this global movement, and my spirits fell.

in the comments, there was a theme of accusations against those calling for clean energy by intimating that they had no right because they drove their cars to the beach, used cell phones, or drank out of plastic water bottles. it saddened me that others sat in such harsh judgment of people peacefully speaking out with their hope for a new way of relating to the earth. the beautiful message of the hands across the sand gatherings being so misunderstood was a let-down to say the least.

and, i am just the hypocrite those comments accuse. i drove to our event over the rio grande, had a cell phone in my purse, and even had a disposable plastic water bottle. even though i'm guilty to the core of living in this oil driven society, i don't understand why this means i should've stayed home.

the truth about so many of the deepest problems facing humanity is that it isn't so easy to stop our participation and support. i'd love to drive an electric car, independent of oil, but for one, the electric car was so mysteriously pulled off the market years ago (check out who killed the electric car to hear the story), and two, we don't currently have the money for a hybrid. these cars are on my radar for sure, but since so many green alternatives simply cost more, does that mean only those that can afford windmills and hybrids have the right to say anything?

i also generally carry reusable water bottles, but this saturday we couldn't find one before we left, so we bought some water on our way. should we have been so ashamed of not finding our water bottle that we went thirsty; should our shame become our silence?

i'll be the first to admit that i'm not living my ideal life. i make choices on the fly, like buying a plastic bottle of water, and i sacrifice my ideals for the practical reality of my life, like having a car to take me into the city. i could have a smaller footprint, but i don't. no explanation, no excuse. i see the blood on my hands, and that is exactly why i chose to participate in hands across the sand.

the story is the same with so many other issues. we support the big food industry, no matter how much we may disagree with the misleading labels or the inhumane treatment of animals. we support the violence of war through our tax dollars, no matter the strength with which we may hold pacifist ideals. maybe other people do better, and maybe we could be better. maybe we could be more informed and disciplined shoppers; maybe we could live off the land and avoid income tax; or maybe, we could accept that we're human.

we could forgive ourselves for making choices for our comfort. we could do our best, and let it empower us that we could still find places to do better. we could stand up for the societal changes that would support us in making personal and collective changes toward the world we most hope to live in.

this is not to say that the full integration of principle and action isn't a beautiful thing to strive for. this little story paints that picture:
a mother waited in line with her son to speak to mahatma gandhi. when it was her turn, she asked him to tell her son to stop eating salt because he had a health condition that was worsened when he ate salt. gandhi told her to leave and return in two weeks. when the mother and son returned, gandhi looked into the boys eyes and told him not to eat salt. the mother then asked why he couldn't have just said this two weeks ago, and gandhi responded, "because two weeks ago, i was eating salt."

to be a leader, it is so important to integrate beliefs into actions, and the great extent of this integration in gandhi that's demonstrated in this story points out why he was such an effective and inspiring leader.

but, i think it equally important to recognize that we don't all have to have the discipline exercised by gandhi to have a hand in change. with so much conflicting information and our hurried modern lives, it's not always easy to align principle and action. we can only do the best that we can, and no one else is in the position to judge our best. when we get caught in a tangle of judgment, shame, and holding ourselves to such high standards, we can become impotent, but there is a more empowering perspective.

just being part of this interconnected societal web, i participate in all sorts of things that i don't agree with, but instead of silencing me, i allow my personal sense of responsibility to motivate me. rumi said, "out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. i will meet you there," and to me this field is a powerful place. no matter where you shop, what you do for a living, or what you drive, you are always welcome in this field. it's in this field where we can release the fear of being a hypocrite and its attendant paralysis, and we can authentically stand up for what we wish to see in our world.

in that spirit, i would join hands with anyone standing up for the transition of our oil economy to a clean energy economy. everyone's hope and willingness for change matters, and those making some of the most harmful unconscious choices are sitting upon some of the biggest potential impact. by coming together instead of judging each other, we have the best chance to redirect the course of humanity towards a truly sustainable human race. in my opinion, that hope is much more important than the ability to save face by staying home.

fierce grace for humanity

Years ago, the film Fierce Grace made quite an impact on me. In this documentary, spiritual teacher, Ram Dass shows how his life changed as he surrendered to the loss of bodily control inherent in a major stroke. He sees himself as “stroked” by the divine, and this major health challenge as fierce grace, giving him another opportunity to learn and move towards a more awakened state of being.



With this unending flow of oil into the Gulf of Mexico, fierce grace is on my mind. My own itchy need to control has been rising, as I feel those painful yearnings of wanting the leak to stop so badly. Moments of rage course through me as I hear about the lack of regulation on the oil industry that had a hand in this tragedy. Insult compounds the injury when I hear that another incredibly toxic chemical has been poured into the ocean to disguise the appearance of the oil on the surface. Just thinking about the situation for a moment can send me into such a deep sense of separation, of fear, of anger.

And then, in another moment, I can see the unity arising out of this crisis. As we work together and share the feelings inherent in this crisis, there are connections being made. All those that depend on the sea for their livelihood just want it to stop. Those that live in coastal regions and fear what will come of their shores just want it to stop. Environmentalists just want it to stop. Even big oil executives dealing with the huge loss of oil and reputation just want it to stop.

But despite our unified prayers, it won’t stop. It keeps flowing, holding our attention, and making us surrender to the fact that we do not have control.

There is a humbling that is happening to us and a break-down of our illusion of control. The planet is holding up a mirror, and we’re being shown that we’re gambling at a table where the stakes are much higher than we thought. We are playing a game with rules far more complicated than our minds can comprehend. The consequences of our actions are upon us, and even as we try, we can’t escape seeing the truth about our destructive relationship with the planet.

It’s so tempting to turn to rage and to blame, but the truth from my perspective is that we all have our hand in the tragedy. Even if we have worked hard to reduce our own oil consumption and dependency, we can’t deny that we are co-conspirators in the human addiction to oil. It’s embedded in just about everything we buy, everything we do, everywhere we go. Even if we believe that we don’t support this paradigm of man over nature, we can't avoid it.

As I work with this tragedy as a form of fierce grace, many questions come to mind. Can I forgive those that allowed such lax regulation to be imposed on such dangerous operations? Can I unite with those that had more knowledge, more choice, and more control over avoiding this tragedy? Can I accept that I too am responsible, I too have oil on my hands, and I too am part of this web of oil dependency? Can I really hold the truth that unity isn’t just about coming together around peace, love and joy; it’s also about sharing responsibility, grief and truth?

This oil leak is an opportunity to evolve. We can use it as a catalyst to humble us to the immense power and harmony of nature. We can let this drive us to rapidly transition into exclusively relying on renewable and clean energy sources. We can come together and accept responsibility as a united human race.

Just maybe this fierce grace will dawn a new way for us to live in harmony with our planet.