"conflict is essential to the development and growth of man and society. it leads either to the construction or destruction of an entire group or state. . . if there is no conflict - internal or external - there can be no growth."
-sun tzu, the art of war
thinking about this quote brought a conversation from many years ago to mind. at the time, i was an idealistic new college graduate in my 20s and was tutoring high school and middle school students. one particular student challenged me when i talked about peace as an important ideal. he defended war, and he called it a completely natural thing. "war is even something that happens within our bodies," he told me. that teenager so eloquently left me flustered.
then, just this week, my body went into a state of full revolt against a virus or something i ate, and i remembered that student's words. a war was going on in my body, and on some level, i was grateful that the battle was being fought.
i agree with the art of war on this one: conflict is essential for growth. there is something about conflict that is necessary for our evolution, and even for our well-being. to deny conflict is often to deny truth, and to me, peace that's faking it, isn't peace at all. many times, i've had experiences when i can feel anger, resentment, or judgment coming from someone, but the peace mask keeps it neatly hidden. to me, this mask isn't true peace.
true peace is in having the courage to stand up, be true, and deal with a conflict if it exists. when i think of a wise martial artist, or even my body defending itself from something perceived as harmful, those images don't hit my sense of violence. the use of force as defense can actually be a way of creating a state of harmony, balance, and eventual peace.
now, a couple days later, my body is at peace again. there were moments bowing before my toilet that i honestly wondered if i would feel normal again. the sense of overwhelming chaos and out of control nausea was all i could see or feel at that time. but then a day or two later, balance was reestablished, and it was reestablished rather quickly simply because my body was willing to stand up, defend, and deal with the problem.
i see the truest and strongest form of peace just like that. peace isn't necessarily the person that's always smiling and friendly, never with an unkind word to say. peace is the one that has the courage to speak the truth. peace is the one that doesn't cower when conflict enters the room. peace is the one that stands up, and if truth is in saying what someone else might not want to hear, true peace is secure enough to speak anyway.
there may seem to be a contradiction between this and my last post, but the deepest truth about peace seems hidden in this paradox. peace is courageous, but not a vigilante always looking to destroy injustice on the outside. peace is the willingness to look within first. peace isn't fueled by anger or righteousness; its fuel is Truth and Love. all actions that are driven by the purest sources of this fuel, even ones that might seem externally violent, can be actions of peace.
this peace i talk about isn't the opposite of conflict; it is just big enough to encompass conflict. within this state of Peace, there is room for all that rich conflict that leads to our greatest lessons and growth.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
rumi's field
this quote keeps coming up for me:
"out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. i will meet you there." -rumi
i first came across it as i started investigating non-violent communication . after taking some classes, i'm finding this is a whole way of thinking, and i'm currently spending a lot of time learning to live in this field beyond duality.
"out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. i will meet you there." -rumi
i first came across it as i started investigating non-violent communication . after taking some classes, i'm finding this is a whole way of thinking, and i'm currently spending a lot of time learning to live in this field beyond duality.
Friday, December 10, 2010
peace on earth
the holiday season gets peace into the everyday vocabulary. it keeps showing up on holiday cards and in beautiful songs like this one.
to me, there's this visionary and mystical feel of the phrase, peace on earth. when i hear or see those three words together, i'm drawn to the questions: what is peace on earth? what would it look like? what would it feel like?
in more righteous phases of my life, i felt like peace on earth was something we had to fight for. it was something that would arise when all the injustice was battled to its death; it was something that would come out of the elimination of all the violence in the world.
but, when i held that view, i felt very far from the reality of peace on earth. i felt like it was centuries, maybe millenia away. i felt like it was almost unattainable because how could we possibly end the immense amount of injustice and violence in our world. there's too much, and going after it one little bit at a time seemed absolutely exhausting and overwhelming.
later in my life, i discovered a small unity church that i attended on and off for a few years. at the end of the service every sunday, the congregation made a circle around the sanctuary, joined hands, and sang. i'm not much of a singer, so i mostly mouthed the words with little umpf, but there was one special song that i was happy to sing.
in this church's version the lyrics were changed to, "now there is peace on earth, and yes, it begins with me. . . "
the first time i was in this circle, singing the song in this way, i literally started weeping. my hands were awkwardly occupied by the two strangers holding them on either side of me, so i didn't even wipe the tears. i was held in this state of vulnerability, tears streaming down my face and the song proclaiming a reality that i so deeply craved.
i realized that in that moment, in that room, in that small community mostly made up of people whose names i didn't know, there was peace on earth. i felt no violence; i felt no injustice; i felt no war. all that felt real was peace.
from that moment forward, the idea that peace on earth is here and now has grown. there are undeniable places on the planet, geographically and within human hearts, that are not at peace. five seconds of web surfing or news watching is all that's needed to confirm that.
but, at the exact same moment, there are these wells of infinite peace that are equally available and spontaneously invoked at certain moments. although this immense peace and the actions it inspires don't get the same air time, i know that they're there.
we can choose to exercise the incredible force of human faith and believe that there is peace on earth, now. by where we put our attention, and how we stand in relationship to others, we can choose whether to feed our power into a reality of peace on earth, or into some other reality.
making the choice to live in this state of peace on earth isn't easy. i've found our fighting to eradicate the violence, war, and injustice in others to be a often vain battle that only perpetuates the very things it claims to eliminate. in fighting externally against forces labeled evil or wrong, we only increase the violence within ourselves and incite the other to get back at us.
but there is a battle that must be fought to live in this state. the battle is not against others, but rather, it is a battle within ourselves.
the only place to possibly fight for peace is within our own beings, within our own minds, and within our own relationships. at times this requires radical honesty in facing the hatred and war brewing within ourselves. it's only in surrendering in the war within that the gateway opens for a more consistent residency in the place beyond rightdoing and wrongdoing, that place of peace on earth.
during this season when this magical little phrase flies around more than at other times of year, i feel a renewal of my faith that peace on earth exists, here and now.
to me, there's this visionary and mystical feel of the phrase, peace on earth. when i hear or see those three words together, i'm drawn to the questions: what is peace on earth? what would it look like? what would it feel like?
in more righteous phases of my life, i felt like peace on earth was something we had to fight for. it was something that would arise when all the injustice was battled to its death; it was something that would come out of the elimination of all the violence in the world.
but, when i held that view, i felt very far from the reality of peace on earth. i felt like it was centuries, maybe millenia away. i felt like it was almost unattainable because how could we possibly end the immense amount of injustice and violence in our world. there's too much, and going after it one little bit at a time seemed absolutely exhausting and overwhelming.
later in my life, i discovered a small unity church that i attended on and off for a few years. at the end of the service every sunday, the congregation made a circle around the sanctuary, joined hands, and sang. i'm not much of a singer, so i mostly mouthed the words with little umpf, but there was one special song that i was happy to sing.
in this church's version the lyrics were changed to, "now there is peace on earth, and yes, it begins with me. . . "
the first time i was in this circle, singing the song in this way, i literally started weeping. my hands were awkwardly occupied by the two strangers holding them on either side of me, so i didn't even wipe the tears. i was held in this state of vulnerability, tears streaming down my face and the song proclaiming a reality that i so deeply craved.
i realized that in that moment, in that room, in that small community mostly made up of people whose names i didn't know, there was peace on earth. i felt no violence; i felt no injustice; i felt no war. all that felt real was peace.
from that moment forward, the idea that peace on earth is here and now has grown. there are undeniable places on the planet, geographically and within human hearts, that are not at peace. five seconds of web surfing or news watching is all that's needed to confirm that.
but, at the exact same moment, there are these wells of infinite peace that are equally available and spontaneously invoked at certain moments. although this immense peace and the actions it inspires don't get the same air time, i know that they're there.
we can choose to exercise the incredible force of human faith and believe that there is peace on earth, now. by where we put our attention, and how we stand in relationship to others, we can choose whether to feed our power into a reality of peace on earth, or into some other reality.
making the choice to live in this state of peace on earth isn't easy. i've found our fighting to eradicate the violence, war, and injustice in others to be a often vain battle that only perpetuates the very things it claims to eliminate. in fighting externally against forces labeled evil or wrong, we only increase the violence within ourselves and incite the other to get back at us.
but there is a battle that must be fought to live in this state. the battle is not against others, but rather, it is a battle within ourselves.
the only place to possibly fight for peace is within our own beings, within our own minds, and within our own relationships. at times this requires radical honesty in facing the hatred and war brewing within ourselves. it's only in surrendering in the war within that the gateway opens for a more consistent residency in the place beyond rightdoing and wrongdoing, that place of peace on earth.
during this season when this magical little phrase flies around more than at other times of year, i feel a renewal of my faith that peace on earth exists, here and now.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
"the gentle art of blessing"
for the last couple months, i've been reading the gentle art of blessing by pierre prandervand. a little excerpt from the book can give you a taste of what this book is about, or you could click the title of the book above, order, and check it out yourself.
pradervand enthusiastically shares the journey of his discovery and practice of blessing as an everyday art. as his ideas have begun to sink into my own mind and way of being, i've realized how fantastic blessing is as a tool to transform what would otherwise be painful and conflicted interactions.
when i first started reading the book, life presented me with an opportunity for blessing. a student came into my office one day and informed me that he'd gone to the administration to complain about me. as he told me about my unfairness in grading, my adrenaline started to pump, and the knee jerk reaction to defend myself and point out his deficencies started moving towards action.
luckily, i recognized this as an opportunity to put my passion for peace into practice, and i stopped myself. instead of picking up my own sword and fighting back, i could choose to bless him. i could see his integrity, his goodness, his desire to connect and succeed. i could see his blame as merely one small part of all he was bringing into my office, and i could honor and recognize how much more there was to him and to what he was saying.
as i resisted my initial conditioned response, i sat quietly and worked to hold a loving space. i detected a little surprise from him that i was so calm, and the entire encounter was over as quickly as it began. i'd be lying if i said it didn't cause me some anxiousness, but overall, the discomfort on my end was considerably less than during tense student situations in the past.
the real testament to the power of this practice came as the semester continued. i was astounded at how the behavior of this student shifted. prior to that meeting, my impression of him was that he was somewhat of a slacker, rather disengaged, and unreceptive to learning the skills i teach. after the meeting, i noticed that he engaged differently in class, and even more surprising, he regularly and humbly started coming to my office with questions and taking the necessary initiative to bring his own skills to the next level.
these subsequent visits to my office could've been awkward, even adversarial, but they weren't. they were pleasant, and as a teacher, i felt fulfilled and even inspired by how this student had shifted. i had a chance to witness how much more he really was than what he showed earlier in the semester, or what he showed in my office that one day.
and even more, i had a chance to learn from and reflect on what caused his discontent. by avoiding the temptation to defend myself, i had the opportunity to see where i could grow as a teacher. i could see that he was teaching me, just as i was teaching him. as he demonstrated how to walk deeper into his role as a student, i felt filled with ideas and inspiration for how i could walk deeper into my role as a teacher.
the book is filled with stories much more powerful and profound than this little episode from my own life. the power of blessing is truly transformative, and to me, it feels like the mental action of living in rumi's field. to live in a state of blessing is to live beyond rightdoing and wrongdoing, in a place where everything is just as it should be, and all that exists is really beautiful, complete, and fully capable of amazing feats.
pradervand enthusiastically shares the journey of his discovery and practice of blessing as an everyday art. as his ideas have begun to sink into my own mind and way of being, i've realized how fantastic blessing is as a tool to transform what would otherwise be painful and conflicted interactions.
when i first started reading the book, life presented me with an opportunity for blessing. a student came into my office one day and informed me that he'd gone to the administration to complain about me. as he told me about my unfairness in grading, my adrenaline started to pump, and the knee jerk reaction to defend myself and point out his deficencies started moving towards action.
luckily, i recognized this as an opportunity to put my passion for peace into practice, and i stopped myself. instead of picking up my own sword and fighting back, i could choose to bless him. i could see his integrity, his goodness, his desire to connect and succeed. i could see his blame as merely one small part of all he was bringing into my office, and i could honor and recognize how much more there was to him and to what he was saying.
as i resisted my initial conditioned response, i sat quietly and worked to hold a loving space. i detected a little surprise from him that i was so calm, and the entire encounter was over as quickly as it began. i'd be lying if i said it didn't cause me some anxiousness, but overall, the discomfort on my end was considerably less than during tense student situations in the past.
the real testament to the power of this practice came as the semester continued. i was astounded at how the behavior of this student shifted. prior to that meeting, my impression of him was that he was somewhat of a slacker, rather disengaged, and unreceptive to learning the skills i teach. after the meeting, i noticed that he engaged differently in class, and even more surprising, he regularly and humbly started coming to my office with questions and taking the necessary initiative to bring his own skills to the next level.
these subsequent visits to my office could've been awkward, even adversarial, but they weren't. they were pleasant, and as a teacher, i felt fulfilled and even inspired by how this student had shifted. i had a chance to witness how much more he really was than what he showed earlier in the semester, or what he showed in my office that one day.
and even more, i had a chance to learn from and reflect on what caused his discontent. by avoiding the temptation to defend myself, i had the opportunity to see where i could grow as a teacher. i could see that he was teaching me, just as i was teaching him. as he demonstrated how to walk deeper into his role as a student, i felt filled with ideas and inspiration for how i could walk deeper into my role as a teacher.
the book is filled with stories much more powerful and profound than this little episode from my own life. the power of blessing is truly transformative, and to me, it feels like the mental action of living in rumi's field. to live in a state of blessing is to live beyond rightdoing and wrongdoing, in a place where everything is just as it should be, and all that exists is really beautiful, complete, and fully capable of amazing feats.
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